Book

My first book is Say Nephew: On Boyhood, Unclehood, and Queer Mentorship, published by Catapult on May 26th, 2026.

You can order a copy from Bookshop.org, Allstora, your local independent bookstore, or wherever books are sold.

about say nephew

A profound and illuminating exploration of the mythology of gay uncles and the meaning of queer bonds across generations

In Say Nephew, Steven Pfau blends memoir and criticism to celebrate the gay uncles who shape our sense of queer identity, culture, and history. The most influential figure in Pfau’s gay boyhood—the mentor who set the standard for all his future mentors—was his uncle Bruce.

A charismatic storyteller with a Burt Reynolds–esque bravado (and a mustache, leather jacket, and pair of cowboy boots to match), Bruce came out in 1950s Memphis and lived in New York City through many of the defining events of the gay liberation era. Bruce was both a unique fixture in his nephew’s upbringing and a link in a long lineage of uncles, literal and figurative, who have offered various forms of queer tutelage to younger men.

But what role is the nephew supposed to play in these relationships? And who does he become once his uncles are no longer there to guide him? Both a coming-of-age story and a wide-ranging study, Say Nephew is a wholly original and expansive consideration of queer mentorship.

Book Tour

Monday, 5/25: Los Angeles, CA
Skylight Books
with Stephen van Dyck

Tuesday, 5/26: Portland, OR
Literary Arts
with Milo R. Muise

Monday, 6/1: Seattle, WA
Third Place Books (Ravenna)
with Dave Wheeler

Tuesday, 6/2: San Francisco, CA
Green Apple Books on the Park
with Brendan McHugh

Monday, 6/8: Decatur, GA
Charis Books & More
with Charles Stephens

Wednesday, 6/10: Brooklyn, NY
Greenlight Bookstore
with Davey Davis

Thursday, 6/11: Cambridge, MA
Harvard Book Store
with Scott Heim

Monday, 6/15: Provincetown, MA
Provincetown Bookshop
with Aaron Lecklider

Praise for Say Nephew

One of Debutiful’s most anticipated debut books of 2026

“When he was young, one of the most important people in author Pfau’s life was his gay uncle, Bruce. Bruce was not only family, but also Pfau’s first model of a queer adult, a role he would grow into himself. In chronicling their relationship, Pfau reflects on the myth of the gay uncle. He asks what the community gains from these relationships and what queer nephews owe their mentors in return.” —Jessica Blough and Elizabeth Casillas, Alta

“Queer history and personal narrative are woven together to create this portrait of the Gay Uncle, and that really is my favorite kind of nonfiction.” —Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya and Riese, Autostraddle

“Steven Pfau has crafted an intensely personal appreciation for his uncle Bruce throughout a book that shares memories, formative moments, and deeply felt emotions throughout. [. . .] Pfau’s generously shared memories of his uncle form the emotional core of a book that is funny, joyful, inspirational, unfettered, and bittersweet all at once. This is a supremely moving, fond tribute to an uncle who shaped a nephew’s life in the most affirmative and loving ways possible. Don’t miss this one.” —Jim Piechota, The Bay Area Reporter

“Steven Pfau’s expansive memoir [. . .] tells layered stories from his life and pays homage to his singular uncle Bruce, while also offering something more wide-ranging and complex: a theoretical meditation on the mentorship of uncles in the gay community. Pfau’s prose is characterized by acute self-awareness and a daring willingness to disclose. [. . .] Pfau’s lens is both wide-ranging and intimate, and the memoir’s essayistic form enables him to draw together numerous moments into a complex self-portrait. [. . .] A detailed, layered exploration of one man’s life and a tradition of mentorship within the gay community, Say Nephew is not to be missed.” —Kelly Blewett, BookPage

“Steven Pfau’s book examines queer mentorship, unclehood, chosen family, and inheritance in a form that is both warm and analytically nimble. That balance matters, because books about queer lineage can become pious very quickly. Say Nephew is smarter, stranger, and more companionable than that.” —Pamela Thomas-Graham, Dandelion Chandelier

“A beautiful ode to family and coming into your own. A blend of traditional memoir and a broader exploration of mentorship, this book was a pleasure to weave in and out of while tracing the quiet, often unseen ways we are shaped by those who guide us.” —Adam Vitcavage, Debutiful

“A richly detailed, thought-provoking celebration of American independence. [. . .] A fond, uniquely crafted appreciation of the myriad wonders of unclehood.” —Kirkus Reviews

“An elegant and smart collection exploring the role of gay uncles in queer culture. [. . .] Pfau seamlessly blends memoir with art and literary criticism, and his eloquent prose and wit make this stand out. He is a writer worth keeping an eye on.” —Publishers Weekly

“A warm and complex portrait of what it feels like to be loved and nurtured in your queerness (in this case, by Pfau’s absolute ideal of a ‘guncle’) before you even know it’s there. [. . .] Pfau also brings in cultural and literary references for historical context on examining the complexities in gay culture. [. . .] A radical comfort in these times.” —Katie Lee Ellison, The Stranger

“The uncle relation is said to be diagonal, to the side of a parental one, already queer in that way; but for Steven Pfau that doesn’t preclude direct confrontation. The magic act of this resourceful and remarkably sensitive cultural study of the figure of the gay uncle is that, by the end, it doubles as an open and personal account of becoming ‘the kind of person who isn’t afraid of his own desires.’ In the company of this clear-eyed seeker, this companionable guide, both the archive and the steam room are less apparitional.” —Brian Blanchfield, author of Proxies

“Say Nephew is both a memoir and an intellectual journey on the complex gay relationships between younger and older men. Courageous, and often written with poetic subtlety, this book explores both the dark and light aspects of these bonds, which challenge and enlighten conventional ideas.” —Jennifer Clement, author of The Promised Party

“Steven Pfau’s riveting debut book investigates a genre of relationship—gay uncle, gay nephew—rarely given airtime and usually shrouded in mystification. His beautifully sculpted dramatic scenes, and his deft interludes of intellectual commentary, blend seamlessly to form a vital, indispensable memoir that operates with the eloquence of fiction and the analytic rigor of a ‘case study’ passionately metamorphosed into an elegiac, liberatory love letter.” —Wayne Koestenbaum, author of My Lover, the Rabbi

“In this fluid, sexy, and delightfully campy inversion of autotheory, Steven Pfau performs a kind of alchemy, turning grief into comfort, loss into nourishment. I can’t remember the last time a stylish debut brimmed over with such wisdom, and such stern tenderness.” —Patrick Nathan, author of The Future Was Color